Learn Proper Horn Placement.
Taking good race photos is a learned art. If you’re still sifting through crappy race pics, fear not; in time, you’ll learn how to deal with these. To start, let’s discuss the art of proper horns in a race photo.
- Stick up your pointer finger and pinky. All your other phalanges should be locked and loaded.
- Tuck in yer thumb. Otherwise, you’re signing to the world that you love them. (It’s OK, we love you, too.)
- If you’re placing your horns atop your head, make sure they’re nice and high. Otherwise, we can’t see past your giant noggin.
- Point your horns up, not forward. Tipping horns look like your head is under attack from a weird rabbit.
- Worried about horn placement? Forget it all and just throw them in the air for all the world to see.
- Own the horns. You are a Bad Angel. Capital B, Capital A.
Running a race in the morning? Great. Now walk away from the cologne. And perfume. And anything strongly scented.
I get it, I do. Running and sweating makes you smell bad, so you think you can counteract your natural musk. But really, you’re only making things worse, and it’s making everyone downwind want to die.
Rock your eau de runner and nothing else. Please and thanking you. — Aidz
“Just make sure you keep it long enough so I can put it in a ponytail.”
In October, I cut my hair “boy short” for the first time since I was rocking a bowl cut with severe bangs in fourth grade — and I’ve continued to cut it shorter and shorter over the last few months. My new hairstyle has kinda changed my running life.
Yes, I still wear a hat most of the time. But when I don’t, I gotta say, the wind through my hair feels pretty damn good. (Note: If your hair is long enough to put in a ponytail, you must do so, as we’ve already established.) There’s no annoying bouncing or hair sticking to my sweaty neck or, worse, my sweaty back. I never have to worry about forgetting a ponytail holder or having one break. And honestly, after a run, my hat hair doesn’t even look that bad.
Bottom line: I’m digging my new ‘do. — Mags
“Dave, it’s time to get into fightin’ shape.”
“OK, let’s do this! But you know that in 10 months, we’re going to be out of shape again.”
“Whatever, who cares.”
Fitness is cyclical, unless you do it for a living. This is what I’ve come to understand and accept over the years. Just like the seasons, we ebb and flow with our fitness goals, our weight, our diets. I believe a lot of this is rooted in deep socio-cultural caveman behavior — or maybe I use that as an excuse to eat more salt and fat in the winter. Again, whatever.
What I’m trying to get at is this: don’t give up just because you are out of shape right now. We’ve all been there.
For now, I’m going to watch “Rocky,” tune up my playlist and make a plan. I’ll see you in the ring at the end of the summer. – Amie
While running is a competition at heart, all runners know the real competition lies internally. That is, you’re always competing against yourself. Besides, once you start trying to compare yourself to other people, you’ll go a little bonkers.
Last week, for the first time since I’ve had children, I ran home from work. Once upon a time, I used to do this about once a week. As I ran that familiar route, I couldn’t help but compare the run to my previous jaunts on the same stretch. But then I got to thinking: Is it even fair to compare myself to … myself?
After all, my life has changed drastically in the past few years. Before, I had all the time in the world to run and train and do whatever the hell I wanted. Now, I literally have to schedule running on my calendar or it doesn’t happen. Plus, there is a big logistical change. I’m the transporter of not one, but two children, and that limits my ability to come and go as I please.
But, it’s still me. The talent pool is still the same. Right? Or is it? I’m not sure, really.
Anyway, I had many self-loathing thoughts on my run home from work when something occurred to me. I’m still not comparing apples to apples. I gotta give myself a break. As the pace of life changes, so does our running pace.
So why am I so worried about it all? Is it my pride? My competitive spirit? I’m not quite sure. I do know two things, though. One: I need to cut myself some slack. Two: I am totally gonna PR again. Eventually. — Aidz
Following too closely, be it on your feet or in the car, can have dangerous consequences. You know when you’re going JUST a little faster than the person in front of you, but not quite fast enough to zip by them? That’s when you gotta put the pedal to the metal for a few seconds to move ahead of the slightly-slower runner so you can both go along your merry way.
Because here’s what happens when you tailgate a runner …
The other night, I was running on a dirt trail through a park. It was a lovely evening, and the runners were out en masse. I could hear someone coming up behind me; his footsteps were very, very close, and I could distinctly hear the jingling of keys in his pocket over my music. He ran behind me like this for about a quarter of a mile. “Hurry up and pass me!” I kept thinking to myself. It sounded like he was going to trip over my Sauconys.
You know that impulse you get when you’re driving and someone is tailgating you? Those thoughts about tapping the breaks so the dumbass crashes into you and then it’s their fault? Yeah, I was having those thoughts. But, you know, since I didn’t really want to have a collision, I eventually veered off to hit up the drinking fountain and he scampered away into the sunset.
Let’s all agree to abide by this rule to avoid road running rage. — Mags
“Got to be Real” by Cheryl Lynn
THROWBACK! This will be the first track on my next race day playlist. Count on it. — Mags
“Odessa” by Caribou
Great song. Not quite sure about the video, though. — Mags
Walk to the Back.
This is a rant, or maybe just a public service announcement for runners. I mean no disrespect to race walkers, but if you plan to walk in that first mile, please (PLEASE!) move to the back. It’s hard enough to dodge and weave and find that comfortable spot and settle into your pace without having to trip over walkers.
Please, and thank you. –Amie