Public (Running) Enemy No.1
Now, I know this is going to be a controversial post because based on my casual observations, it seems as though nearly every female on the planet takes part in this tragic fashion trend:
I can see why. On the hanger, they look super cool. And they come in a bevy of color combinations and flashy patterns. And, if you never try them on in front of a good, truthful mirror, you may never know just how unflattering these godforsaken shorts really are.
So, that’s what I’m here to tell you. Nike Tempo shorts are flattering on NO ONE. No, not even you. They make you appear as though you are wearing a diaper. They bunch and pouch awkwardly around the crotch when you move, and the panels of differently colored fabric down the sides are not doing you any favors.
Nike, please stop making so many of these damn shorts. You’re confusing people, and moreover, making even svelte runners look all fluffy and bloated. KNOCK IT OFF, ALREADY.
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s really hard to find a comfortable and flattering pair of running shorts, especially if you aren’t built like a traditional runner. But please believe me when I tell you that you can do better. You — and that muscular booty you work hard to keep in shape — deserve better.
If you own a pair of these shorts (admit it, you do) save them for … gosh, I can’t even think of an activity where you would want to wear a pair of unflattering shorts. Get rid of them. Consider burning them.
You’re welcome. — Aidz