Lifestyles of the Rich and Not-So-Fast

I’ve always said running is one of the great equalizers in life. Sure, some people are naturally gifted, but for the masses, your success in running largely depends on the work you put into it.

That’s why I take a lot of joy in knowing how quickly (or rather, how SLOWLY) celebrities fare over the course of marathons and half marathons. At the end of the day, it does not matter how pretty, how rich, or how successful you are. Because no one is going to go out there and run the miles for you.

Maybe if Katie Holmes had worn a proper sports bra, she could’ve run a little faster. Just sayin’.

It makes us normal people of the world feel like we’ve really accomplished something when we know we can beat the likes of wimpy, weak-minded celebrities to the finish line. For me, there is validation in knowing that Katie Holmes doesn’t have the chutzpah to actually run a marathon. Or that Mario Lopez looks fit, but withers like a delicate flower when the rubber meets the road.

Conversely, when I see that a celebrity has run a respectable marathon time, I automatically respect the celebrity more because they clearly put in the work needed and didn’t just do it as a publicity stunt.

That said, I strongly encourage you to revel in celebrity slowness. It is a pleasure we all deserve. For extra points, pick out a celebrity you know you can beat and make THAT your fall racing goal. Here’s to Maggie and Keith beating the crap outta Sarah Palin’s 3:59:36 marathon this October in Chicago.

Need some inspiration? Here are a few celebrities you can toootally take on:

• Sean Combs (P. Diddy), 2003 New York City Marathon (4:14:54)
• Oprah Winfrey, 1994 Marine Corps Marathon (4:29:15)
• Al Gore, 1997 Marine Corps Marathon (4:54:25)
• Kate Gosselin, 2011 Rock ‘n’ Roll Las Vegas Marathon (4:59:21)
• Katie Holmes, 2007 New York City Marathon (5:29:58)
• Mario López,  2002 Boston Marathon (5:41:42)
• Al Roker, 2010 New York City Marathon (7:09:44)

Which celebrity will you be chasing down this fall? I’ll get you next time, Oprah … — Aidz